Wednesday, August 25, 2010

An Ode to Tomatoes

My tomatoes are done. They have given their all. And while I muttered curses at them for breaking my back, making me sweat and sucking up all my time weeding, watering and preserving, I miss them.

Courtesy of talented people at I give you an ode to tomatoes.

Until next year my pretties!

Monday, August 23, 2010

Just give me my free crap and back away, slowly

I opened my e-mail the other day to find a printable coupon for a free burger at Ruby Tuesday's for my birthday.

Awww. I didn't know they cared so much!

Today's e-mail had one for a free appetizer from Sante Fe so I started thinking, I wonder how much crap I can get for free just for being born?

Below is The List. Consider it my early/late/on time birthday present to you since I had to link each one individually. You could literally gorge yourself right on to Biggest Loser. You're welcome.

Wondering what present you can get for me? I would love for you to NOT take me to any of these places and have them clap out of sync to some nauseating song with nonsensical lyrics. Capiche? Thanks, it's just what I wanted.

Free scoops at Cold Stone Creamery, Baskin Robbins and Dairy Queen

Free appetizer at TGIFriday's

Free burger/sandwich at Red Robin and Firehouse Subs

Free dessert at Applebee's and Quizno's

Entire meals free at Captain D's, IHOP, Tony Roma's, Zaxby's and Taco Bell

Free birthday swag at Sephora (one year it was 3 lip glosses, another it ws 2 nail polishes), Krispy Kreme (coffee mug & 1/2 dozen donuts!), Academy Sports ($5 gift card) and Victoria's Secret ($10 gift card).

Sonic gives away anything from a free burger to a shake to tater tots and you can get 5 free wings at Wingstop.

I just missed the age cut offs for these by a few years (ok, decades) but they're still fun: Denny's, California Pizza Kitchen, Burger King, Ace Hardware Kid's Club and Toys R Us will give you a balloon, crown, birthday announcement over the intercom and mail you a card from Geoffery! Sweet deal.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Four-Eyes No More!

I wear glasses.

Correction: I wear glasses for the 40+ hours a week I'm at work staring at a computer all day. They only have a slight prescription so I don't have to have them to see properly. The moment I get home they're ripped off and forgotten until morning.

With vanity running amok, I have desperately wanted contacts since about hour #2 after my first pair of glasses 6 years ago. One prior attempt didn't turn out so hot, and I've only got myself to blame.

See, I'm curious. After my 'better or worse, 1 or 2, A or B' session and the doctor had written down my adjustments I was left with the butterfly contraption in the dark room for about half an hour dilated like Japanese Anime. I thought we were finished. I mean, he wrote stuff down! After the 20-minute-mark (ok, ok, the 3-minute-mark) I got bored and played with all the knobs and dials. I was like Optometrist Barbie. Same girl, no training, just happened to run across an accessory pack with the proper occupational theme.

Come on, who doesn't want to play with this?

After awhile I was bored again so I just sat there and waited.

This is where things get tricky. Doc walks back in, checks out the butterfly contraption I'd been playing with and Writes. Stuff. Down. Yikes! All of the sudden I'm 5 years old trying to hide the magic markers so I won't be suspected of the fresh artwork on the wall! I panicked. I wanted to tell him but I just couldn't out myself. I would later find out the second set of numbers he got were for my contact prescription. Guess I don't have to tell you they didn't work out so well.

Guess I don't also have to tell you that I have a new optometrist.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Speaking of birthdays....

Every year around my birthday I buy myself a little prize.

These To: Me From: Me gifts range from a new party dress and unrealistic but beautiful heels in which I have no occasion to don all the way to a large, freakishly complex, need to fly to Bali for a teaspoon of magical spice to make this crap cookbook with photos so delicious I can only describe it as

This year's gem? Feast your eyes upon this:Ain't she a beauty? I will become a canning goddess, producing rows and rows of every vegetable, sauce, soup and jam my little heart desires!

Happy is the new black

In about 2 weeks I will turn 31.

Birthdays, not unlike New Year's Eve, sends a wave of irrepressible desire to take stock of one's life.

I am guilty.

This is a new blog. In it I am trying to turn over a new leaf. The past 365 days have been less than kind but I am doing my level best to wallow no more.

Happy is the new black. Kind of a 'fake it till you make it' mantra. No promises readers, (probably just my mother, hi Mom) but I'm gonna give it the ole college try.